i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
