All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
