She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
