im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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