After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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