Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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