I'm pants shitting drunk right now
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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