dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
