She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
