Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
