sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
