Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
