She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
