i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How does one acquire holy water?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
