I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
