Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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