Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
