Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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