Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
