You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't deserve a penis
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
