just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
