The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
