I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
