If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
