I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I will pee on everything he values.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
