Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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