So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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