I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
