My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
