you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
