I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
