her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
