just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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