and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
