Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
