i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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