Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
