brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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