can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
