don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
