this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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