just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
