There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
