she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Someone shattered a urinal.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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