Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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