so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
