My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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