I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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