I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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