oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
birth control should be required to get into college
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
