goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sext me about skeletons
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
